Here is a pattern with me: I'll introspect about how to be better, and come up with some crazy idea like: "perhaps I can improve myself by identifying patterns with my thinking, and writing blog posts about them". This will seem like a revelation, and I'll try it out for a while, with moderate success.

But ultimately I'll discover that it wasn't the silver bullet I was hoping it would be, and I'll fall back to my core. My core is complete uncertainty about everything. Am I sure this is my core? No. My mind is more complex than that. I want many contradictory things, including wanting to not want things.

Most of all I want to escape uncertainty, and bask in the eternal glow of some simple, clear, self-evident truth. I think this may not exist, but I'm not sure. I'm not even sure it would be that great if it did. But my mind is constantly restless, constantly searching for something, trying things out, and falling back.

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