meditation 10

..continued. The plan is 15 minutes in the lotus position. I was just thinking about maybe doing it sitting in my chair, but I think the lotus position puts my mind into the mode of "I'm trying to meditate now". My focus will be trying to clear my mind of thought, and trying not to get too frustrated about how bad I am at that, but just trying..

done.. notes:

- I feel like I need to remove my ego. I often get a bit annoyed reading or hearing people talk about meditation, or related stuff, because I have my own deep opinions about it, and I feel like this is my "strong suit" in some sense, and I guess I feel jealous or arrogant when other people tell me things about it.. but I feel like I need to lose that ego. I feel like I need to lose "myself".

- I worried about a logistical matter that will happen this Friday, and I was debating whether I should stop meditating to write down the thought. The thought in favor of doing so was "this matter involves other people, and it would be selfish of me to forget about dealing with it in favor of meditating", and the thought against it was "I'll remember later, and really meditation is more important for me, and I may really just be worried about what other people will think of me rather than genuinely worried about hurting them.. maybe.." Anyway, I decided to keep meditating. I think this is probably the right tact in the future. I don't meditate that long, and hopefully I'll remember the important things later, but this is time I feel is important to give to myself.

update: I meditated again for 15 minutes. Good practice. I feel like I may need to practice many times before I get the hang of this, but I feel like I'm headed in the right direction.

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