leading myself

When trying to lead someone in dance, there's this notion of a connection. If your partner's arm is limp, and you push it, then the arm will probably move, but not their body. You want to feel a bit of resistance from their hand, to know that the arm is engaged, and that pressing on it will be felt by your partner.

Now, I've been trying to meditate and also trying self-hypnosis. Both of these activities seem to require relaxation, which is a bit challenging for me. My strategy so far seems to be "just relax". I think this may be like pushing against a limp arm.. or something like that. The analogy may not be great. But I feel like I'm trying to get my brain to relax when my brain is still worried about stuff, and so my brain sortof covers up the stuff with an blanket and tries not to look there, but part of my brain still secretly knows what's under the blanket, and is worried about it.

I think to really make progress relaxing, I need to tackle the causes of my stress directly, rather than trying to relax in spite of them. I think some people can just relax and forget their cares, but I don't seem to be good at that. Or rather, I guess I'm not truly convinced that forgetting my cares is a safe idea.

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