A thought: concentrate on smaller games. Just think of fun things to do now, in the very near term, that aren't too un-optimal in making sure I have money and such for the future.

This kindof feels like quitting. Giving up the big game. I'd like to believe this is actually some clever strategy that ambushes the big game from the side later on..

I recall people saying things like "you'll go crazy if you keep thinking high level thoughts", though maybe worded differently.. and I feel like I'm admitting that they're right.. or that they'll think that's what I'm doing. I care a lot about being right, it seems.. a family traite.

But I feel like the best way to play the game right now may be to be patient, try to develop some mind skills, like focus and self awareness or what-have-you.. and wait till we're past the "information age" and into the "consciousness age".

"But shouldn't you be trying to help get us there?" Well, I'm not sure. I think there may be too many cooks in the kitchen. Mankind has lots of people helping go in the directions it's going.. it's like one of those group projects in school where some random kid has declared themselves leader, and the other kids have decided to follow them, and all there really is for me to do is play along and hope that the teacher doesn't count the project for too much of our final grade — but trying to convince the kids to follow me doesn't seem to work. I'm not a natural leader.

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