I was angry today, and it got me thinking about anger during my meditation.
First, why I was angry: I saw a doctor to flush wax from my ears, and they failed, and I asked if I could try the water syringe myself, and they said no, and I asked if I could get my own syringe, and they said it would require a prescription, but he wouldn't write me one. Turns out they don't require a prescription, so ha!, but I didn't know that till later.
Second, my thoughts: anger generally makes me want to hurt people, but it's pretty easy to channel into arguing with them about how they should be less evil. But if I fail, what then? My thought in the past was "forgive them". But then I realized that when I'm angry with someone, I'm usually angry at myself for how I handled the situation, e.g., angry that I didn't think of a more clever argument for convincing them to agree with my point of view. So I should forgive myself. But my current thought is: I'm angry at myself, sure, forgive myself, sure, but I'm still angry at them, and I'm not sure how to forgive them if they persist in not recognizing their evilness.. But the anger hurts me, and makes me keep thinking about how to beat them.. So I think maybe the thing to do is recognize that anger makes me want to do that, and stop thinking about the situation.. Because it makes me angry.. Like how I don't read the news, because it makes me angry. That is to say, I think maybe there isn't a cure for anger except getting the person to apologize, or essentially ignoring it until it subsides, and then not thinking about the situation which would bring back the anger.