Yesterday, I went to bed depressed. I had been depressed for a while. Today, I woke up non-depressed. I'm not sure what changed. I tried some mental technique before going to bed, but I often try various mental techniques. I seem to recall this technique having something to do with letting my mind go, so to speek, allowing for gross or disturbing imagery to enter my mind, if that's where my mind goes -- and it did -- and at some point, when it had run it's corse, I kindof imagined crystalizing it all, and melting it into the sun.
But I feel like there was some realization that I'm missing. One thought I had last night was that my baseline was depressed. It felt like a new realization, acknowledging that I keep coming back down whenever I get optimistic and excited about stuff. But, I thought, why should my baseline be low? What is special about being low? If my baseline can be low, why can't it be high?
Anyway, I don't think I've solved my depression. I think I'll be depressed again, maybe even soon, but it's good to not be depressed sometimes to realize what it's like again, and to give me hope that I can get here more often.
I think my optimism also stems from some successes today. I feel like I made some progress in meditation and hypnosis and also in dancing. Progress feels good. I'm not sure progress is sustainable. Sometimes I won't make progress. But, today, I also remember lying down and at some point the idea came to mind "I'm blocked in meditation, and I wrote that I should read something about it. Maybe I should read something about it." And then I had the thought, "here is some motivation to do something, I should probably follow it, since I haven't been very motivated lately." And that turned out to be the right decision.
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